Tag Archives: identity

Thankfulness is the Antidote to Narcissism

November 26th, 2023 | Dr. Charlie Self

As my wife Kathy was walking from her arrival gate to the trains at the Denver airport one evening, she observed in one person’s behavior a portrait of our self-centered era. The person was very well-dressed, with every item chosen carefully and labeled just so. As they were speaking on the phone, Kathy heard these words in a loud voice, “O my, it is so noisy here. I think I am going to have a panic attack.” Kathy was concerned and prepared to help. The next words were all about parties and restaurants and how crazy other people are. This person jauntily walked in another direction, looking at themselves in every reflective space while carrying on an insipid conversation.

In this moment, Kathy saw a microcosm of the self-absorption of modern society. Panic attacks are real and over the years we have helped many who suffer from them. To use such a phrase in casual conversation was foolish and unveils the weaponizing of psychological terms to serve selfish purposes. Obsession with image, selfish obliviousness of all around, and the feeling that the world somehow owes us are all part of the narcissistic playbook.

This same lust for personal gratification and focus on superficial sufferings is the driving force behind the recruitment of vulnerable adolescents into the “welcoming” communities of the gender anarchists. One a good day, adolescence for young women and men is challenging. Wanting to be different from one’s parents and accepted by peers are normal realities, but the radicals take it further, preying on struggles with self-image and hypnotically suggesting one can be any number of genders and even change biological identity.

There is an antidote for these afflictions: Thankfulness. Also understood as gratitude, this is a powerful tonic for personal and social liberation. From the ancient scriptures to modern psychological studies, thankfulness is celebrated as necessary for human flourishing. (See our take on gratitude in our new book, Life in 5D: A New Vision of Discipleship, found at www.discipleshipdynamics.com)

Thankfulness is more than immediate gratitude for current positive circumstances. There are four facets of this amazing characteristic. First, it is a disposition deeply rooted in recognizing that all of life is a gift from the Creator. The giftedness and givenness of life are extraordinary in themselves. The fact we are alive and able to think about these things is extraordinary. We did not create ourselves. Our parents were subcontractors of a divine architect who cares about us from conception to coronation.

A second facet of thankfulness arises from appreciation of the simple blessings we take for granted: food and shelter, family and friends, work and play, and so much more. Even in very distressing circumstances, thankfulness arises from our awareness that we are able to endure and come through such trials a better person.

A third facet is found among those who are serious Christians: thankfulness for our salvation by the grace of God. We cannot earn the favor or merit we need before a holy Lord…but Jesus the Lamb of God has died in our stead and as the Risen Lord he is our Advocate. We are considered just and holy before God!

A fourth (and there are many more) facet of thankfulness comes from realizing that we are new creations in Christ, with a divine purpose and every resource we need to carry out the mission of God in our world. It is astonishing to consider the “divine inefficiency” of using our voices and acts of kindness, our halting speech and imperfect deeds to help repair the world.

This Thanksgiving, let’s remember the Pilgrims and other historical moments of goodness where people cooperated across cultural and ethnic divides. May we humble ourselves, recognize the giftedness of life, and aim to be an answer to the spoken and unspoken prayers of those in need.

A Vintage Essay on Toleration

October 4th, 2023 | Dr. Charlie Self

Five years ago, I posted these words on Facebook and other locales. All the same problems remain, for reasons enumerated last week. I share this again so we can see that the fight for virtue-based liberty is never done. I want for all others the freedoms I desire for myself. Here is the essay:

Dear California legislators,

In your zeal to condemn conversion therapy and ban resources that suggest LGBTQ+ folks could be led toward “hetero-normative” identity (AB2943), you are creating a less tolerant world. I think many of you mean well, but there are some future consequences if your ideology wins:

Will you ban resources and speech from Muslim communities that welcome converts and encourage traditional roles?

Will you condemn conservative and orthodox Jews for their teachings?

Will you reject other cultural and religious groups that do not share your fluid views on gender?

Oh, one more thing…if one’s identity is chosen and fluid, what can’t someone decide (without coercion) to be straight after a season of gay or bi identity?

Toleration does not mean agreement. I do not want a return to any prior eras and I will defend liberty of conscience/religion, lifestyle and speech for those I disagree with. It is easy to attack the religious traditions that birthed the liberties we enjoy.

It is more virtuous to keep the public square open for real debate and learn living with our deepest differences with civility and respect. Building a future of friendship and cooperation across cultures and ideologies requires love and patience, humility and openness.

Let’s choose full inclusion instead of creating new echo chambers.

We Know Better, Part Two

June 7th, 2023 | Dr. Charlie Self

The majority of people around us glance at headlines, read some favorite posts, and then go about their hard-working days, offering their skills in service of others, providing for their families, and finding moments of community service and leisure when they can. If pressed on some of the blaring headlines, many shake their heads and assume that most people know better than to take “social influencers” and political extremists seriously.

There is one problem with this simplistic view: the shrieking voices are only the front for real people and networks that aim for power over the populace and remaking their world in their image.

We know better…but often feel powerless. Here are some hot issues that seem to have few answers:

Caring for our environment is good and needed, but climate activism is a cover for trillions in wealth transfer from middle-and working-class people to huge autocracies that desire control over food and energy.

The gender anarchy mentioned in last week’s essay is framed as human rights, but the real agenda is the destruction of the nuclear family and government oversight of children.

“White supremacy” does have some adherents, and must be condemned at every turn. Other forms of intolerance are given a pass, however, and pathways to reconciliation and peace are undermined as grievance culture offers no forgiveness, redemption, or hope for an end to hatred.

We know better, and there is a way forward. Here are some principles that thoughtful women and men can embrace with a view to flourishing communities:

First, everyone we meet is created in God’s image and has value. This is the starting point for the mutual love and respect that are essential in a pluralistic society. With very rare exceptions, each is also biologically male or female. This does not limit liberty, but liberates identity.

Second, the pursuit of truth in noble and not merely subjective. Whether it is historical knowledge, scientific research, journalistic inquiry, or critical thinking, humble, relentless pursuit of wisdom is needed. Truth exists outside our perceptions and we will always be building on previous centuries of discovery.

So far, we have touched on essential categories of anthropology (the universals of being human) and epistemology (the nature of knowing).

Third, we can find common virtues and values that help us work for the common good, even as we debate ideologies, philosophies, and religious convictions. Such first principles include freedom of conscience/religion, access to education and economic opportunities, strengthening biological and blended families, and a commitment to universal virtues such as kindness, patience, tolerance, and thoughtfulness.

Fourth, we must reject labeling and libeling persons while we debate serious issues. Reversion to profanities and vulgarities obscures serious inquiry. We must learn to process our reactions and turn them into considered responses. This does not mean turning away from obvious evils.

Fifth, we must reaffirm what is appropriate for children and what is best left to adulthood. Until the last decade, the boundaries were quite clear. Now we see public perversion celebrated and themes that were only for adults being imposed on children. There is no place for grooming, trafficking, and propagandizing vulnerable children and youth.

Sixth, we must start decentralizing federal power in the West and restoring administrative oversight to local and state governments. We need universal ethics but local stewardship that is accountable. We must rediscover subsidiarity – the notion that responsibility begins with the individual in a family, then families in voluntary community (church, synagogue, etc.), then local governance, then state governance, and only as a last resort, federal oversight. We must reverse the Leviathan of central control that has been growing exponentially for the last 100 years.

Seventh, all of the above rest on integration of personal agency, helpful relationships, moral systems, and goodwill. In other words, we must see each other as whole persons in community, with spiritual, emotional, relational, vocational, and economic facets of life woven together. For more of this vision, see our new book, Life in 5D: A New Vision of Discipleship available at www.discipleshipdynamics.com.

We know better. We can do better. There is hope. And today’s deep thinking and disciplined action will build a better destiny for ourselves and all around us.

Being Human: Ancient Wisdom and Eternal Hope, Part 1

April 12th, 2023 | Dr. Charlie Self

Until the last few decades, all civilizations and religious traditions affirmed the uniqueness of humankind and biological male and female identity. Marriage was reserved for relationships that (at least potentially) produced the next generation and secured the common good of the tribe or nation. Alongside this common heritage have been all kinds of permitted (and even religious) sexual behaviors, but the primacy of identity and family continuity were enshrined in law and tradition.

We are in the midst of post-rational, post-empirical, and post-human subversions of the created order. Subjective notions of “gender identity” trump all science and any questioning of another’s feelings leads to castigation and accusations of fomenting violence. Toleration is a one-way street with the purveyors of anarchism and nihilism, as they are dedicated to the complete subversion of the biological family and silencing of “cisgender” and “heteronormative” worldviews.

A trans-identifying person kills three adults and three children at a private school in Nashville, TN. Instead of universal mourning and normal investigations, advocates are making the perpetrator the victim and suppressing the manifesto behind this horrific attack. This is a complete inversion of the truth. We are now celebrating violence in the name of pseudo-historical oppressions.

Advocates for unlimited gender identities are also deliberately undermining the authority and influence of the biological and adoptive family structure. Using the public education system and social media, they assist struggling children and young adults with concealing their explorations from parents. Even worse, parents that will not affirm gender transitions are marked as abusive and these radicals want the state to remove transitioning children from their homes!

How did we get here? It is one thing to tolerate consenting private adult behaviors in a pluralistic society. From the 1970s to the 1990s, this was the major demand of advocates for alternative lifestyles. As each accommodation was met, more demands emerged, culminating in 2015, when the Supreme Court affirmed the right of monogamous gay marriage. OK, finally all people are now equal before the law, right? Wrong! Suddenly scores of identities and new victims are created out of whole cloth, and previous psychological disorders are now causes for celebration and consequential physical mutilation.

Until recently, gender dysphoria was a psychological disorder affecting less than one-half of one-percent of the population. Today, this has metastized to 10-20% of adolescents. The social pressure to “explore” has overtaken normal development where most outgrow any confusion. The notion that a child barely able to dress themselves can decide to change identities is utterly insane – yet this is being “affirmed” by elites, and any restrictions on exposing children to sexual content are regarding as fascist and “book burning.”

What do rational and religious people do in this moment? In the next article, I will propose compassionate and wise pathways forward. Here are some first thoughts toward a recovery of “normal.”

First, there is no place for bullying, intolerance, and violence as we affirm our convictions. Genuine liberty means living with our differences, not shutting down debate.

Second, toleration is not always affirmation. People of varying philosophical, political, and religious views can be good neighbors, even friends.

Third, defending the “normal” includes reminding the world that human identity, biological sex, and the importance of family are values shared by billions, not just White Christians in the USA.

Fourth, religious communities must exemplify love and justice and empower all women and men toward their full identity, purpose, and contributions to our world.

Fifth, we must build a coalition for protecting vulnerable children and adolescents from sexual materials that should only be for adults (and even then, the scourge of addiction to pornography is ignored by the radicals). Drag shows, sexualized books, school curricula, and social media content must not triumph over parental influence and the social good. We CAN teach kindness and toleration without inviting the vulnerable to “explore” what should only be adult decisions.

Sixth, we must weather the attacks and realize that the adversaries of what is good will ultimately devour themselves. We are seeing this as very liberal voices are being castigated for affirming female identity and resisting the trans invasion of bathrooms, private places, competitive sports, and other arenas that women have fought for parity with men.

Seventh, and most important: We must articulate a vision of being human that is liberating, rooted in virtue, and leads to flourishing for persons and communities. The gender debates are obscuring serious issues of economic and racial justice that need attention.

Friends, we are not bigoted, crazy, irrational, intolerant, or on the wrong side of history as we desire clarity concerning human identity, biological sex, and moral virtue. We now turn to articulating the beauty and wisdom of “normal.”

We Know Better, Part 4: Being Human

June 30th, 2022 | Dr. Charlie Self

We are in a crisis of human identity. Both anthropology (the study of human nature, cultures, and experiences) and epistemology (the study of knowledge and the search for the truth particular matters) are being debated in unprecedented ways.

In this essay, I am NOT advocating to any reversion to cultural-historical functions for women and men or calling for coercive rules for how adults peaceably regulate their lives. A pluralistic, free, and virtuous society rests on freedom of conscience and voluntary association(s). In the spirit of the title of this series, I am asking that we pause from our misplaced anger and unreflected compassion and realize that we do know better about sexual identity.

There is no place for bullying or harming any person of any identity. But declaring criticism of these ideologies, “violence” is itself an attack on freedom of conscience.

When a Supreme Court Justice appointee refuses to define the word woman (an adult biological female is the proper answer), the triumph of subjectivism is almost complete. When even secular feminist thinkers are excoriated for not affirming every current fad of gender anarchy, we are in trouble. When normative biological sexual identity is defined as “cisgender(ed)” and any hints of the differences between boys and girls are called out as “toxic” – we are in trouble.

As I share my thoughts, I come to this with decades of education and interaction in the epicenters of gender reflection: Santa Cruz and Berkeley, CA. All of my academic degrees and much of my work has been amidst the ever-changing currents of what is politically/publicly acceptable. I have laughed and cried, served and worked with women and men of all faiths or none, and all manner of sexual attractions and identities. Each person is a divine image-bearer and offers much to our world. And, until recently, my deepest convictions were at least somewhat respected and tolerated. After the Supreme court decision of 2015 affirming gay marriage (with the Justices admitting that many will disagree and must be allowed such freedom), it seemed that everything desired by proponents of non-traditional lifestyles was in place. No discrimination, no persecution for private behavior, and access to all privileges and services others enjoy.

But the radical proponents of gender anarchy were not done. Suddenly our culture wars metastasize and there are now scores of identities that must be publicly celebrated, and children must have the right to alter their body’s chemistry and even eliminate signs of their biological sex, without permission from parents! Now the real agenda of the radical Left is exposed: destruction of the biological/nuclear family. Mom, Dad, and biological children in a unit of loving cooperation is now seen as hindering progress toward “the collective” and a remnant of outdated religion. Never mind that in all civilizations throughout all of history, parents and children (and their extended clans) are the heart of human identity and flourishing.

The pagan-secular Towel of Babel is now a transhumanism of complete subjectivity.

When feminists Martina Navratilova, J.K. Rowling and Naomi Wolf are excoriated as “TERFs” (trans-exclusionary radical feminists) and biological males can choose new bathrooms and compete in female sports simply by declaring a new identity, we are in trouble.

Friends, we know better. With rare exceptions, the DNA and physiology of male and female are innate and unchangeable. There is HUGE range of behaviors and dispositions (and neuroscience affirms a range of conditions) of males and females, so stereotyping is unhelpful and unscientific. If adults desire a certain identity, name change, and have a range of affections, that is their private business. But asking rational and religious people to promote such ideas and actions is coercive and a violation of conscience.

Friends, we know better. Children and adolescents are in a constant state of development and expecting them to have the faculties for choosing their gender and ripping such choices away from family systems is cruel and unjust. Research for more than half a century places the number of long-term same-sex attracted and bisexual people at somewhere around 5% of the population (Kinsey’s bad research and his 10% figure from the 1950s have been repudiated many times), for men and women over 25. The explosion in adolescents identifying as bi- or trans- is clear cultural conditioning. When school officials hide children “transitioning” from parents, this is a complete violation of family preeminence over the state.

We know better. Biology matters. Public schools have no business imposing their ideologies on students and hiding their agendas from parents. Ethical statements about sexual identity and practices are not violence. Let’s affirm liberty for all – including the liberty to make moral proclamations without fear.