Category Archives: identity

Thankfulness is the Antidote to Narcissism

November 26th, 2023 |

As my wife Kathy was walking from her arrival gate to the trains at the Denver airport one evening, she observed in one person’s behavior a portrait of our self-centered era. The person was very well-dressed, with every item chosen carefully and labeled just so. As they were speaking on the phone, Kathy heard these words in a loud voice, “O my, it is so noisy here. I think I am going to have a panic attack.”  Kathy was concerned and prepared to help. The next words were all about parties and restaurants and how crazy other people are. This person jauntily walked in another direction, looking at themselves in every reflective space while carrying on an insipid conversation.

In this moment, Kathy saw a microcosm of the self-absorption of modern society. Panic attacks are real and over the years we have helped many who suffer from them. To use such a phrase in casual conversation was foolish and unveils the weaponizing of psychological terms to serve selfish purposes. Obsession with image, selfish obliviousness of all around, and the feeling that the world somehow owes us are all part of the narcissistic playbook.

This same lust for personal gratification and focus on superficial sufferings is the driving force behind the recruitment of vulnerable adolescents into the “welcoming” communities of the gender anarchists. One a good day, adolescence for young women and men is challenging. Wanting to be different from one’s parents and accepted by peers are normal realities, but the radicals take it further, preying on struggles with self-image and hypnotically suggesting one can be any number of genders and even change biological identity.

There is an antidote for these afflictions: Thankfulness. Also understood as gratitude, this is a powerful tonic for personal and social liberation. From the ancient scriptures to modern psychological studies, thankfulness is celebrated as necessary for human flourishing. (See our take on gratitude in our new book, Life in 5D: A New Vision of Discipleship, found at www.discipleshipdynamics.com)

Thankfulness is more than immediate gratitude for current positive circumstances. There are four facets of this amazing characteristic. First, it is a disposition deeply rooted in recognizing that all of life is a gift from the Creator. The giftedness and givenness of life are extraordinary in themselves. The fact we are alive and able to think about these things is extraordinary. We did not create ourselves. Our parents were subcontractors of a divine architect who cares about us from conception to coronation.

A second facet of thankfulness arises from appreciation of the simple blessings we take for granted: food and shelter, family and friends, work and play, and so much more. Even in very distressing circumstances, thankfulness arises from our awareness that we are able to endure and come through such trials a better person.

A third facet is found among those who are serious Christians: thankfulness for our salvation by the grace of God. We cannot earn the favor or merit we need before a holy Lord…but Jesus the Lamb of God has died in our stead and as the Risen Lord he is our Advocate. We are considered just and holy before God!

A fourth (and there are many more) facet of thankfulness comes from realizing that we are new creations in Christ, with a divine purpose and every resource we need to carry out the mission of God in our world. It is astonishing to consider the “divine inefficiency” of using our voices and acts of kindness, our halting speech and imperfect deeds to help repair the world.

This Thanksgiving, let’s remember the Pilgrims and other historical moments of goodness where people cooperated across cultural and ethnic divides. May we humble ourselves, recognize the giftedness of life, and aim to be an answer to the spoken and unspoken prayers of those in need. 

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A Vintage Essay on Toleration

October 4th, 2023 |

Five years ago, I posted these words on Facebook and other locales. All the same problems remain, for reasons enumerated last week. I share this again so we can see that the fight for virtue-based liberty is never done. I want for all others the freedoms I desire for myself. Here is the essay:

Dear California legislators,

In your zeal to condemn conversion therapy and ban resources that suggest LGBTQ+ folks could be led toward “hetero-normative” identity (AB2943), you are creating a less tolerant world. I think many of you mean well, but there are some future consequences if your ideology wins:

Will you ban resources and speech from Muslim communities that welcome converts and encourage traditional roles?

Will you condemn conservative and orthodox Jews for their teachings?

Will you reject other cultural and religious groups that do not share your fluid views on gender?

Oh, one more thing…if one’s identity is chosen and fluid, what can’t someone decide (without coercion) to be straight after a season of gay or bi identity?

Toleration does not mean agreement. I do not want a return to any prior eras and I will defend liberty of conscience/religion, lifestyle and speech for those I disagree with. It is easy to attack the religious traditions that birthed the liberties we enjoy.

It is more virtuous to keep the public square open for real debate and learn living with our deepest differences with civility and respect. Building a future of friendship and cooperation across cultures and ideologies requires love and patience, humility and openness.

Let’s choose full inclusion instead of creating new echo chambers.

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We Know Better, Part Two

June 7th, 2023 |

The majority of people around us glance at headlines, read some favorite posts, and then go about their hard-working days, offering their skills in service of others, providing for their families, and finding moments of community service and leisure when they can. If pressed on some of the blaring headlines, many shake their heads and assume that most people know better than to take “social influencers” and political extremists seriously.

There is one problem with this simplistic view: the shrieking voices are only the front for real people and networks that aim for power over the populace and remaking their world in their image.

We know better…but often feel powerless. Here are some hot issues that seem to have few answers:

Caring for our environment is good and needed, but climate activism is a cover for trillions in wealth transfer from middle-and working-class people to huge autocracies that desire control over food and energy.

The gender anarchy mentioned in last week’s essay is framed as human rights, but the real agenda is the destruction of the nuclear family and government oversight of children.

“White supremacy” does have some adherents, and must be condemned at every turn. Other forms of intolerance are given a pass, however, and pathways to reconciliation and peace are undermined as grievance culture offers no forgiveness, redemption, or hope for an end to hatred.

We know better, and there is a way forward. Here are some principles that thoughtful women and men can embrace with a view to flourishing communities:

First, everyone we meet is created in God’s image and has value. This is the starting point for the mutual love and respect that are essential in a pluralistic society. With very rare exceptions, each is also biologically male or female. This does not limit liberty, but liberates identity. 

Second, the pursuit of truth in noble and not merely subjective. Whether it is historical knowledge, scientific research, journalistic inquiry, or critical thinking, humble, relentless pursuit of wisdom is needed. Truth exists outside our perceptions and we will always be building on previous centuries of discovery.

So far, we have touched on essential categories of anthropology (the universals of being human) and epistemology (the nature of knowing).

Third, we can find common virtues and values that help us work for the common good, even as we debate ideologies, philosophies, and religious convictions. Such first principles include freedom of conscience/religion, access to education and economic opportunities, strengthening biological and blended families, and a commitment to universal virtues such as kindness, patience, tolerance, and thoughtfulness.

Fourth, we must reject labeling and libeling persons while we debate serious issues. Reversion to profanities and vulgarities obscures serious inquiry. We must learn to process our reactions and turn them into considered responses. This does not mean turning away from obvious evils.

Fifth, we must reaffirm what is appropriate for children and what is best left to adulthood. Until the last decade, the boundaries were quite clear. Now we see public perversion celebrated and themes that were only for adults being imposed on children. There is no place for grooming, trafficking, and propagandizing vulnerable children and youth.

Sixth, we must start decentralizing federal power in the West and restoring administrative oversight to local and state governments. We need universal ethics but local stewardship that is accountable. We must rediscover subsidiarity – the notion that responsibility begins with the individual in a family, then families in voluntary community (church, synagogue, etc.), then local governance, then state governance, and only as a last resort, federal oversight. We must reverse the Leviathan of central control that has been growing exponentially for the last 100 years.

Seventh, all of the above rest on integration of personal agency, helpful relationships, moral systems, and goodwill. In other words, we must see each other as whole persons in community, with spiritual, emotional, relational, vocational, and economic facets of life woven together. For more of this vision, see our new book, Life in 5D: A New Vision of Discipleship available at www.discipleshipdynamics.com.

We know better. We can do better. There is hope. And today’s deep thinking and disciplined action will build a better destiny for ourselves and all around us.

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Being Human: Ancient Wisdom and Eternal Hope, Part 1

April 12th, 2023 |

Until the last few decades, all civilizations and religious traditions affirmed the uniqueness of humankind and biological male and female identity. Marriage was reserved for relationships that (at least potentially) produced the next generation and secured the common good of the tribe or nation. Alongside this common heritage have been all kinds of permitted (and even religious) sexual behaviors, but the primacy of identity and family continuity were enshrined in law and tradition.

We are in the midst of post-rational, post-empirical, and post-human subversions of the created order. Subjective notions of “gender identity” trump all science and any questioning of another’s feelings leads to castigation and accusations of fomenting violence. Toleration is a one-way street with the purveyors of anarchism and nihilism, as they are dedicated to the complete subversion of the biological family and silencing of “cisgender” and “heteronormative” worldviews.

A trans-identifying person kills three adults and three children at a private school in Nashville, TN. Instead of universal mourning and normal investigations, advocates are making the perpetrator the victim and suppressing the manifesto behind this horrific attack. This is a complete inversion of the truth. We are now celebrating violence in the name of pseudo-historical oppressions.

Advocates for unlimited gender identities are also deliberately undermining the authority and influence of the biological and adoptive family structure. Using the public education system and social media, they assist struggling children and young adults with concealing their explorations from parents. Even worse, parents that will not affirm gender transitions are marked as abusive and these radicals want the state to remove transitioning children from their homes!

How did we get here? It is one thing to tolerate consenting private adult behaviors in a pluralistic society. From the 1970s to the 1990s, this was the major demand of advocates for alternative lifestyles. As each accommodation was met, more demands emerged, culminating in 2015, when the Supreme Court affirmed the right of monogamous gay marriage. OK, finally all people are now equal before the law, right? Wrong! Suddenly scores of identities and new victims are created out of whole cloth, and previous psychological disorders are now causes for celebration and consequential physical mutilation.

Until recently, gender dysphoria was a psychological disorder affecting less than one-half of one-percent of the population. Today, this has metastized to 10-20% of adolescents. The social pressure to “explore” has overtaken normal development where most outgrow any confusion. The notion that a child barely able to dress themselves can decide to change identities is utterly insane – yet this is being “affirmed” by elites, and any restrictions on exposing children to sexual content are regarding as fascist and “book burning.”

What do rational and religious people do in this moment? In the next article, I will propose compassionate and wise pathways forward. Here are some first thoughts toward a recovery of “normal.”

First, there is no place for bullying, intolerance, and violence as we affirm our convictions. Genuine liberty means living with our differences, not shutting down debate.

Second, toleration is not always affirmation. People of varying philosophical, political, and religious views can be good neighbors, even friends.

Third, defending the “normal” includes reminding the world that human identity, biological sex, and the importance of family are values shared by billions, not just White Christians in the USA.

Fourth, religious communities must exemplify love and justice and empower all women and men toward their full identity, purpose, and contributions to our world.

Fifth, we must build a coalition for protecting vulnerable children and adolescents from sexual materials that should only be for adults (and even then, the scourge of addiction to pornography is ignored by the radicals). Drag shows, sexualized books, school curricula, and social media content must not triumph over parental influence and the social good. We CAN teach kindness and toleration without inviting the vulnerable to “explore” what should only be adult decisions.

Sixth, we must weather the attacks and realize that the adversaries of what is good will ultimately devour themselves. We are seeing this as very liberal voices are being castigated for affirming female identity and resisting the trans invasion of bathrooms, private places, competitive sports, and other arenas that women have fought for parity with men.

Seventh, and most important: We must articulate a vision of being human that is liberating, rooted in virtue, and leads to flourishing for persons and communities. The gender debates are obscuring serious issues of economic and racial justice that need attention.

Friends, we are not bigoted, crazy, irrational, intolerant, or on the wrong side of history as we desire clarity concerning human identity, biological sex, and moral virtue. We now turn to articulating the beauty and wisdom of “normal.”

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America: An Experiment in Virtue-Based Liberty

July 8th, 2022 |

As we celebrate our nation’s 246th birthday, it is a good time for reflection on our historical and contemporary strengths and weaknesses, and rededicate ourselves to best ideals of the founders and framers.

Trigger warnings: If you regard America as the source of most of the evil in the world, you will be provoked by the essay. If you regard America as a divinely-chosen nation, you will be unhappy. OK, time for reflection.

American history has a few saints and many sinners. The founding of colonies such as Plymouth, Rhode Island, Maryland, and Pennsylvania with freedom of religion baked into their identities are a highlight of our history. The intolerance found in 17th and 18th century Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Virginia is tragic for liberty.

Slavery came crashing to our shores in 1619 and affected all American colonies, even where it was not widely practiced. The de facto and de jure oppression of million due to race violated everything later enumerated in the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. This is why African Americans rightly speak of three American founding moments: the “promissory note” of 1776, the Emancipation of Juneteenth, 1865 with the passage of 14th and 15th Amendments, and the Civil Rights and Voting Acts of 1965. We are still overcoming the systemic evils of slavery and Jim Crow, but progress has been made.

Religious and social awakenings have helped the cause of justice throughout our history. Abolitionist movements, educational and labor reform, 70 years of work by the Suffragettes, and many more private and public initiatives have cleared the way for millions to enjoy a better life. We must celebrate these moments of progress and well as lament the evils they sought to overcome.

We have opened and shut our gates to immigrants during our 246 years. Like all Empires (yes, we are an empire, with the conquest of a continent and acquisition of oversee territories), a dominant tribe begins opening citizenship to others. For the USA, White Protestants have haltingly welcomed women and men from all cultures. From the despised Irish to the isolated Chinese, to a huge Central and Eastern European influx in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, along with the variegated hospitality to Hispanic/Latino neighbors. At times we fulfilled the words of the Statue of Liberty and welcomed the “huddled masses.” At other times, xenophobia overtook justice and Fortress America with all its toxic narrowness took over. Such evil kept thousands of Jews from finding refuge during the Shoah. Other times it was non-European groups that were systemically kept out. Ironically, the current non-policies for immigration allow foreign money to buy influence and open our doors to whoever can pay, while denying many hard-working folks opportunities and pathways to citizenship.

America is a land of economic opportunity, and, in the last half-century, a generous benefactor to those who struggle. We are still the land of promise for millions, while we struggle to reform bad welfare policies and poor educational systems that keep too many citizens from flourishing. Once again, a mixture of greatness and deep flaws.

Finally, our treatment of the Indigenous Peoples from the 17th century to the present was uniformly unjust, with only a few exceptions led by missionaries and visionaries. Exploitation was unnecessary – we could still have fashioned our free land without breaking every treaty, forcible conquest and exile, and maltreatment of cultures quite divergent from the European imports. Only repentance, economic repair, and humility can begin repairing this history. Yes, the Indigenous were not all virtuous, and one can argue that there were moments of violence perpetrated on colonists and settlers that were evil. But the proportionality is clear, and the Christian and Enlightened ideals of the (mostly) White conquerors were subverted by greed and racism.

Finally, our history has been punctuated with marvelous religious and social awakenings that further the cause of liberty, and enshrining freedom of conscience/religion in the First Amendment has made all religious communities stronger and self-sufficient. We remain one of the few nations in the world where anyone can peaceably start a religious community without permission from the government (unless you desire tax-exemption). Right now, we can assemble and practice our faiths with no interference from the state. Yes, there are complications and exceptions, but this remains the most enduring legacy of our American Experiment.

So, let’s raise a toast, and fall to our knees. Let’s celebrate opportunity and lament injustice. Let’s labor so all can flourish, and humbly ask for divine help. Happy Birthday, USA!

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